YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Can you bring me the toilet please
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
