Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Randomize
