I think my fart just growled at me.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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