i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
