Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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