toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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