Please, let me fuck your mom
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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