Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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