I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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