My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
the day after is always just damage control
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
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