God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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