I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
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