No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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