I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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