Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
