I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Just pee around me
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
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