So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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