We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
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this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
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SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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