fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize