just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize