god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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