Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
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