This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Too much gin, very little bucket
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding