I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize