Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
