i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
