best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.