I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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