I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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