i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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