I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
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When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
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I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe