my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.