I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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