I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.