Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE