Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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