I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Houston, we have a squirter
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Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
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Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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