Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Naked. naked and bneed help.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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