DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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