"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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