i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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