Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
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Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
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Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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