As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
