He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
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