Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
how drunk are you?
Several
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize