my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
what day is it and did you see me today?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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