remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
