If that was your dad, he is hot
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
