I CAN MOONWALK!
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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