Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
