Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
