An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
