3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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