GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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