You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
