Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
