Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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