sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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