do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
