It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
