so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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