So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Terrible idea I love it
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
