We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
