the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
