i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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