just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
